Used and Inconvenienced By God

Here is another poem by Sue Garmon (in Brennan Manning’s Souvenirs of
Solitude, p. 166-167). See if you can find yourself in it. I can.

Lord, I don’t know why
I’m so surprised
when you take me literally.
I said to you, so often,
“Use me, Lord.
Make me your instrument.”
And you took me at my word,
and things began to happen.

I suddenly discovered
that it isn’t always
easy
or pleasant
or even comfortable
to be used by you.
I began to find out things
about myself
that I didn’t like. 

I discovered that I didn’t mind
being used by you
so long as I wasn’t inconvenienced;
so long as I wasn’t asked to give
what I wasn’t willing to share;
so long as it didn’t hurt too much.
I began to learn
that being an instrument
requires an awful lot of humility. 

Forgive me, Lord,
for my lack of humility;
for my dearth of charity.
Continue to teach me
what it means to be used by you.
And, using me,
keep teaching me
to know myself.

Do you see yourself in that prayer? I do. Like many followers of Jesus I have often said, especially in the “high” of a moving worship experience or in response to a striking awareness of the great needs of the world – “Use me, Lord.” Like St. Francis I have prayed, “Make me an instrument of your peace…”  And then, when God begins to work in my life and use me, I have discovered that offering myself to God isn’t always pleasant or easy or convenient. It isn’t  always convenient to love,  especially my enemies. It isn’t easy to deny myself  and take up my cross and follow Jesus. I am too comfortable and satisfied with being number one, thank you. It is sometimes inconvenient and uncomfortable to reach out to the person that others are ignoring or don’t want to have anything to do with. It isn’t always very comfortable or convenient to take a moral stand and speak the good news of the Gospel and live the values of the Kingdom of God around my co-workers or classmates or friends.

Yes, we discover that being an instrument for God’s service in the world requires a lot of humility. It means facing who we are and committing ourselves to what God wants us to become. It is an ongoing process. We will most likely not get it right all the time. But the reality is that if we try, we will be changed for the better as we offer ourselves to be used by God and are open to what God wants to teach us, especially in the way of humility and love. And if we keep on, we will discover our true selves, the selves we are in Christ and that God, through the Holy Spirit, is reshaping us to be. And so, in spite of the inconvenience and discomfort, the fear and the stretching involved, we press on. And as we do, it is good to know that we can be honest with God and that God will continue to love us and teach us and reveal to us his grace and care.


Peace.